You've GOT To Be Kidding Me!

How can the U.S. State Department even consider granting same-sex benefits to partners of U.S. diplomats when we are struggling to get same-sex benefits (via same-sex marriage) passed state by state in this country? Hillary Clinton, the Secretary of State, is preparing to send a notice out to State Department employees about the proposal. In the notice, she states that “these inequities are unfair and must end.” NO KIDDING!!! That’s what gay and lesbian people have been trying to get through people’s heads since the whole Prop. 8 thing took center stage in California!

 

Normally I don’t get all huffy and puffy about the gay rights situation in this country, after all, my being gay is just a part of who I am, I don’t let it consume me, but this is outrageous. According to an article on CNN.com, “Until now, the State Department had withheld these benefits citing the Defense of Marriage Law, which restricts the recognition of same-sex marriages on the federal level. … ‘Providing training, medical care and other benefits to domestic partners promote the cohesiveness, safety and effectiveness of our posts abroad’, the note says. It will also help attract and retain personnel and, the note adds, ‘it is the right thing to do.’” It’s obviously the right thing to do, but why would we show good faith to our Foreign Service members, but not to the citizens of this country? This is what people have been fighting for for decades and with an interagency review and the stroke of a pen, we’re going to allow it for people who aren’t even citizens of this country. It blows my mind.

Through the Eyes of an Openly Gay Man

As an openly gay man living in the world today, there are so many prejudices to get past and so many myths that we have to work hard to disprove. What many people in this world fail to realize is that, before we came out to live our lives as who we really are, we were just like you; we were your friends and family, neighbors and co-workers.

 

There is one defining day in the life of a person living in the LGBT community. One single day in our entire life will, for some people, make or break how the rest of our life plays out. Thankfully, I'm one of the lucky ones. I have a great group of friends and family that I have surrounded myself with over the years; they are all very supportive of every thing that I do in life. My decision to finally come out was not an easy one, but it was something that needed to happen. For anyone, making the decision to finally come out is not an easy one. It can sometimes take years and years of struggling with your own personal demons to finally come to terms with the fact that you're going to be living a very different lifestyle than those around you.

 

While I can't speak for every gay person in the world, what finally pushed me "out of the closet" was the fact that I couldn't stand living a lie any longer. While you can be yourself to some extent before you come out, you can never truly live your life because of what you're hiding from the rest of the world. If I'm being completely honest, telling everyone my biggest secret was terrifying. It's something that, once the cat's out of the bag, so to speak, you can't take back.

 

When I made what I consider to be the ground-breaking first step, I couldn't even say it, I had to write it down. After that, the person that it took the most courage to tell was my dad. I cried like you wouldn't believe when it came time to finally tell him. After he and I had become so close, I didn't want to let him down. He reassured me that he was going to be there for me regardless and let me know that nothing had or was ever going to change between the two of us. Considering the level hesitation that I felt with the first person that I let in to that part of my life, it has become easier and easier with each person that I tell. This experience is unlike any other that I can think of. The coming out process is something a gay person will be doing this for the rest of his/her life.

 

The vast majority of people who choose to come out, especially teenagers, face the possibility of rejection from friends and family. Being faced with this rejection can push them in to different stages of depression, and can possibly push them to consider, or even commit suicide. For just such reasons, programs like The Trevor Project have been created and are available for gay and questioning youth who feel that they have no one left to turn to.

 

Recently, we have seen both defeat and victory in the battle for equality. The first major blow was Proposition 8 in California, reversing and banning the same-sex decision that was put in to effect by the California Supreme Court. Since then, several states have granted same-sex couples the same rights as the other citizens of the individual states. Among the most recent, Iowa, by way of the state Supreme Court was the first state in the Midwest to grant equal rights. Vermont, however, made history by being the first state in the Union to grant equal rights on a legislative level. The Supreme Court of California must rule by June 3, 2009 on the legal status of same-sex marriages in that state. One would assume that, since the Supreme Court was the body that made them legal the first time in California, they will make them legal once again. Although we still have a long way to go in this country before all is well, and while we'll never be able to forget what so many have gone through to get us to this point in history, I firmly believe that a major change is coming our way.

 

With time, we will inevitably get past the prejudices that are currently making headlines today. It's hard to believe that this is going to be the last great struggle for equality this country will ever see, but I have faith that we will learn from the mistakes we've made in handling situations like this. I suppose that only time will tell, but I've got a good feeling that things will start to turn around.

Friends... At Least That's What They Used To Be

As I go through life, I'm starting to realize that you shouldn't care about how many friends you have, but the quality of the friends you hold dear. There are times when I try and figure out what I've done to make people not want to be friends with me any more, but then I find that I really don't care. I know who my true friends are and I've come to be able to pinpoint those who are just there when they need something from you.

There have been people who have come and gone, and regardless of how it happened, I suppose there's a reason for it. Perhaps we're to learn life lessons from failed attempts. One of the things I don't understand is why some people let their relationships get in the way of their friendships. Nine times out of ten, the person you're letting slip away has been there longer than the person you're dating. As harsh as this may sound, there are people in my life I could take or leave right now. Then again, there are some people who I know I couldn't get through life without and I won't let anything come between those relationships.

I'm sure we've all received those e-mails that say what "true" friends are and that you should pass it along to half of the people you've ever known if you life or you'll get horrible news in the next 5 seconds. To me, there are a few simple things that define a friendship: knowing that you and that other person are there for each other any time, any place; wanting nothing in return for befriending someone; and, even if after not talking on the phone or seeing each other in person for a while, you pick up right where you left off and it's never awkward.

Today, it's no secret that we live in a world where technology basically consumes our lives. I have to say, however, it's the little things from my friends that make my day. Like this morning, for example, a friend and I were going back and forth on Facebook, another friend commented on my status and I'm sure when I'm at work, my IM will be going off at least a few times throughout the day. Just a quick "hello" or asking how some one's day is going can mean the world. I'm sure this is starting to sound like another post I did a while back, but I think it's worth repeating.

Make sure you're in your current friendships for the right reason. Few things hurt more than realizing that you're being or have been used by someone you thought you had a connection with.

Some may come, some may go, but those you can't live without will always be right here...

And The Good News Keeps On Coming

On what seems to be a landmark day, especially for Iowa, it seems that the good news keeps on coming! Below are two (2) links that I would like you to check out. The first is one of the many articles out there today about the Iowa Supreme Court finding that the gay marriage ban is unconstitutional. On a personal note, let me point out that I've never been more proud to say that I am from, and am still living in the first state in the Midwest to legalize gay marriage. The second link is somewhat on the same subject. It's a clip from the ABC TV show called "What Would You Do". It placed actors (they're a real-life couple as well) in a New Jersey sports bar with and were told to act themselves. They also paid another (straight) couple and a "gay basher" to try and get reactions out of people in the bar. It's interesting to see how it turns out. Maybe there's hope for this country after all? 

CBS News Story: http://twurl.nl/0nmy4y

"What Would You Do" Clip: http://twurl.nl/naxtn5

Gahmy's Idol Thoughts - Top 13

Okay, so I just got done watching American Idol from last night and while the thoughts are still fresh in my mind, I figured I'd put my feedback on how the kids did out there and see what the rest of you thought. (By the way, I think next week I'm going to do this from my room when I'm actually watching the show so that I can give feedback as I'm watching it) The order in which the contestants are listed below are not the order in which they performed, just a heads up...

Kris - Let me say first off that I think he's freaking adorable! Behind his guitar, we were able to see a different side of him and I think he really shined bright. His "Man in the Mirror" performance and his performance from last night were two that I'll remember. I think we're going to see a lot more of Kris in the future!

Megan - I think Simon was off when he said that it was a stupid song choice. That is one of the songs that I grew up listening to and it's always nice to hear a new rendition of it, provided it's not horrible. I don't think it was her best performance by any means, but I think she did alright. She should, in my opinion, try and stay with the type of songs that she's already performed so that she can show off her unique talent. I think that, with stars like Duffy and Adele in the forefront today, Megan will have a chance if she can make it for a few more weeks. The kind of rough tone that she has is what is going to be the new "in" thing with music.

Anoop - When the judges were announcing the Wild Card picks, I was so upset that Anoop didn't make it in to the Top 12, but when Simon announced that it was going to be a Top 13, I couldn't have been any more excited. I think that, given the right song, Anoop can make it quite a ways in the competition. I have to agree with Paula, however, I think "Beat It" should be left to Michael Jackson. I would really hope that he doesn't leave the show, but given some of the other performers from last night, it might be a little tough for him.

Matt - I think Matt's version of the song that he performed last night was a good one. The song choice fitted the piano and his voice. I know that a lot of people say this, but he does kind of remind me of Timberlake. It would be kind of interesting to hear him sing one of his songs. I think that we'll see Matt on the show for at least another week.

Danny - Danny, Danny, Danny... What can I say about him other than his performance was AMAZING!!! I've loved Danny since his audition! He's probably in my Top 3 right now, and I definitely wouldn't mind seeing him win the show, but he has some tough competition in Adam and Lil. Danny, setting his voice aside, has a great stage presence that I think is going to take him a long way. We'll have to work on the dancing a bit though ;~).

Alexis - Alexis did a great job w/ Dirty Diana last night. I have to agree with Paula when she said that she needs to work on not over singing the song, but all things considered, she did a great job and I think we'll see her again.

Allison - Allison is one of the people that I've liked since the beginning of the competition, but she didn't shine bright enough for me last night. For me, her past performances are the ones that I'm going to remember and not the one from last night. It's going to be interesting to see how she adapts to the other genres that are inevitable on Idol.

Adam - Two words... SIMPLY AMAZING!!! The BEST performance of the night for me! I think that he's going to be around in the competition for a while, and may even win it! Being an actor has treated him well. He knows how to work the stage and he obviously knows how to put on a good show. I could probably go on and on about his performance last night! AMAZING!!!

Scott - Scott did a great job last night, but his Mandolin Rain performance still sticks with me and I think that's what I'm going to be comparing all of his other performances to from here on out. When you have a great moment such as the one he had last week, it's hard to beat it. Seeing Scott on the piano, you just know that's where he belongs. He looks so much more comfortable behind the piano and I think it gives him much more to go off of. Even if Scott doesn't make it in the competition, I think he'll have a record deal after the show is done.

Jasmine - For being 17, Jasmine has a voice that you don't hear every day. For Randy, after pointing out that he recorded that song with Mariah, to say that she did a good job of mixing different versions of that song to make it her own definitely says something about the potential she has.

Jorge - For some reason, I really can't stand Jorge. I don't know what it is about him, but he just doesn't do it for me. I'm all for the diversity on the show, but not with him. Personally, and as much as I'm going to hate myself for admitting this, I think that Tatiana is a better performer than he is. Having said that, I'm not sure I'd like to see her on the AI stage again, but regardless, I think she would have done a much better job than he did.

Lil - AMAZING!!! What a way to start the show! She is a power house and everyone else in the competition needs to watch out for her! She's going to make it a long way on this show! Between her, Danny and Adam, I believe you're looking at the final 3 on American Idol! What a great job!!!

Michael - Michael did what he does best last night. Singing songs like that are what made me like him in the first place. These contestants need to learn that, while taking risks can work out and other times you can make a fool of yourself doing it, you need to stick with what you know. Granted, Michael can't always pick slow songs, but he can pick songs that are from the heart and that will portray who he is as a person and as an artist. I think that if there's a country week, which I'm sure there will be, he'll really come through during that time. There are TONS of country songs that are from the heart and that I'm sure he'd do a great job at making his own.

Over all, I'm quite pleased with the show from last night. There are a lot of people that I can see making it through and there are the obvious people who, even if they don't win the show, will have record deals and we'll be hearing a lot from in the future. If I had to pick the two to leave tomorrow night, I would have to say they would be Jorge and Anoop. As much as I like Anoop, there were too many other performances that cast him back in to the shadows. And what is this twist that Ryan mentioned at the end of the show? Something that will change the face of the competition, but it has to do with the Judges? Personally, I can't wait to find out, and I'm not quite sure what I'm more excited for, the results or the twist!

Trying To Make Goals

As many, if not all of you know, I am the proud owner of a 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo! It's pretty exciting, albeit dirty from the snow melting... ugh! Since I was able to get the Jeep and had to actually sit down and work out my finances, it got me thinking that working out bills is something that I'm going to have to do for the rest of my life. This is the first real responsibility that I have and I'm pretty excited to officially be in the grown up world.

Over the past week or so, I've also been thinking about what a waste of money apartments are, considering the fact that I want to be able to buy my own house within the next 5-ish years, so I've also decided that I'm going to start saving where I can for a down payment on a house; when my car is paid off, that's going to be my next endeavor. I'm sure the market will rebound again by the time I'm ready to buy a car and housing prices are going to be through the roof, but if I find a decent house with reasonable payments, I don't see why there should be anything holding me back, barring any unexpected things that may arise. I think that I'll be able to do it and, sure, it's going to be a challenge, but I think I'm up for it!

I suppose I'll come to learn that there are things that I can live without, no matter how much I think I can't live without them right now. There are just some things that a person has to sacrifice in life to get what they want. By the way, for those of you thinking "I wonder if he realizes that buying a car and a house are two totally different things", yes, I'm fully aware of that. I just wanted to spare us from having that conversation down the road ;~).

Eyes Kept Tearing Up...